MAJOR AIRLINE SYSTEM -- GOOD FOR A LAUGH!

A friend of mine loves to fill me in on other business systems he finds around the country, and recently sent me some information on the rather unique "Maintenance Complaint System" reportedly used by UPS, the number one shipping company in the world - the BROWN one!

It seems that after every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form called a "Gripe Sheet" to inform mechanics about any problems the pilot might have had with an aircraft. The mechanics then correct the problem, document their repairs on the same form, and pilots are to review the gripe sheets before the next flight. But never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor!

Below are some "actual" maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P), and the solutions as recorded by maintenance engineers (marked with an S).  It seems the airline has its own System of Humor:

P:  Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S:  Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P:  Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S:  Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P:  Something loose in cockpit.
S:  Something tightened in cockpit.

P:  Dead bugs on windshield.
S:  Live bugs on back-order.

P:  Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S:  Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P:  Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S:  Evidence removed.

P:  DME volume unbelievably loud.
S:  DME volume set to more believable level.

P:  Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S:  That's what friction locks are for.

P:  IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S:  IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P:  Suspected crack in windshield.
S:  Suspect you're right.

P:  Number 3 engine missing.
S:  Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P:  Aircraft handles funny.
S:  Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P:  Target radar hums.
S:  Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P:  Mouse in cockpit.
S:  Cat installed.

P:  Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S:  Took hammer away from midget.

In my book, System Busters: How to Stop Them in Your Business, I tell a story about a Civil War General and a not-so-bright Private -- how the General fine tunes written orders to his frontline commanders by having this Private read the written orders first. The General makes sure the private can read and repeat (in the Private's own words) EXACTLY what the orders mean. The General does this over and over until the verbiage is so clear, even the Private can understand.

Although this "Gripe Sheet" story is funny -- and we are not sure it is absolutely true -- it does demonstrate how we can give people directions and they can completely misinterpret them. When writing procedures, policies, and control checklists, they must be fine tuned until you're sure everyone understands them. In the words of Nathaniel Hawthorne, "Easy reading is hard writing."

Doing a bit more Web research on "gripe sheets," we discovered a similar report  had been attributed to another of the larger airlines.  At this point, we don't know which company can actually claim the above "System of Humor;"  however . . .

Speaking of UPS . . . what we DO know from actual UPS company reports is that, since the company was founded in 1907 as a messenger service in the United States, it has grown into a $42.6 billion corporation by focusing on the goal of enabling commerce around the globe. Today UPS is the world's largest package delivery company and a leading global provider of specialized transportation and logistics services. UPS utilizes one of the most well-defined business and transportation management systems in the world, managing the flow of goods, funds and information in more than 200 countries and territories worldwide -- and is reportedly the only major airline that has never had an accident.

Just goes to show you -- great systems WORK!  Once the chaos in your business is eliminated, you might even find time for a good laugh!

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